Monday, May 31, 2010

life

    Dear Family,

In June of last year, our lives changed. We became parents to a little girl that entered into eternity at birth. Allison carried her to 28 weeks, and she was born on August 14th, 2009. We named her "Glory". Her name was a reminder for us, and every one who knew us, that everything was and is meant for the glory of our God. We held a fund raiser in honor of our daughter and sent more than $70,000 to the children of Ethiopia. That event helped us to remember that God works through tragedy. We felt it was part of being obedient to Him.

  We hope that one day we can send you all a letter with so-called "good news" informing you that a little one has arrived, but today is still not that day. After you go through a hard time, it's easy to get caught up in the thinking that God owes you something, or that hardship is behind you. This is not true.

  In January of this year we faced another trial. We learned that a baby was on the way, but after only 7 weeks another miscarriage occurred. It was again hard to make sense of this. It seemed so pointless to us; pointless that a life would begin and end with no fanfare, no cribs, no bottles, no diapers, no little league, or music lessons, or sunday school, or graduations etc. etc. etc., but it did, and we are working to heal from this.

  Ally is pregnant again now. She is currently at 12 weeks. We've been cautious, but optimistic. Early blood work showed that everything was in line, and that this pregnancy had the chance of being as normal as any other. A sonogram on Monday though was accompanied by difficult news: the baby is not growing properly, and we're to expect an early miscarriage. This news came about in the same hospital room it did last June. The same technician revealed a potential malady. The same doctors sat down with us to talk over the future. The same instructions were given: come back next week. And the same emotions followed. The word "surreal" defines the scene.

  After we concluded our visit with the doctors on Monday, we went to eat some Tex-Mex. (We've learned that this is just what Texans do to deal with grief.) After lunch, we both decided to be "Big Kids" and head back to work. Ally had not shared the news that she was pregnant with any of her co-workers, and so she did not share the news of her lunch hour either. She just went back to work. It's something we learned last summer... to just keep going. If you stop, you feel sorry for yourself and selfishness, and bitterness, and anger take over. If you keep going, and remain faithful to what is in front of you, blessings take over. Last year, it was the opportunity to bless orphans in Ethiopia. We don't know how God will use this chapter in our life, but we know He will. It may not be as grandiose, but He will use it. I don't write this to say that we are handling this perfectly, or that we have this whole grief thing figured out. We don't. I do feel selfish and bitter and angry. I ask all the same questions: "How...?" "Why...?" But continuing to move helps to diminish these emotions.

  We sat on the kitchen floor yesterday, drowning our sorrows with snacks, and talked about the reality of our situation. We discussed the possible pain of another miscarriage. We talked about the fear of not having children. We talked about how tired we were of sharing bad news. We talked about our extended families. We talked about our friends. We talked about our future. We talked about our emotions. We talked about how life is different than we had pictured. We talked about the obvious whole in our world. We wondered together about what was next. Then--- I asked Ally the question, "Did you just eat that whole box of cheezits?" And she said, "Yes". And then we went on with our evening. I share this to tell you that while we are sad, we are not crushed. We talk through things and when we're done talking through them, we laugh through the tears.We are on a journey together, and our love for each other continues to grow. We both agree that God is doing something. We just don't know what that something is. Most of the time we don't even agree with the way He does things. We feel patient at times, and at times we feel betrayed as our hope of having children keeps getting dashed.

  We write to ask for prayer. Pray for our faith most of all, as it is weak. Pray for a miracle after that. Miracles don't happen if faith doesn't exist. At this point, we know that whether this child lives or dies, our faith is all that we will have. Miracles are up to God. Faith is up to us. We believe that He can do whatever He wants. All we can do is believe. 

  We have an appointment for a sonogram tomorrow morning at 9:45. 
  We will keep you posted. 

  Love,


  Zeb & Ally

 Romans 8:28




21 comments:

  1. We love you both so much and will not stop praying.

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  2. My prayers go with you all tonight, tomorrow and beyond. Love you.

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  3. Love you guys and I'm very proud of Ally for the Cheezits.

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  4. Love you guys. Thank you for letting us walk with you during this time. You are always in our thoughts and prayers. I second being proud of Ally eating the Cheezits :)

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  5. Ally and Zeb. I will certainly be praying for you both. I will also say that God is at work in the very words that you wrote. Your courage is uplifting. We love you.

    Zane W.

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  6. Zeb and Ally,
    I will lift up your future family and pray for your faith to remain strong. Your faithfulness is inspiring.

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  7. Ally and Zeb--

    Our thoughts and prayers are with you, now and always. Your faith and courage are beyond words as are these things you face. Please know that you are not alone. We love you,

    Reagan, Sheila, Alex and Cambell

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  8. I am so incredibly sad. In the past few months when my faith has seemed at its weakest and I didn't know how to endure another moment, God reminded me that in those moments, I didn't need to worry about if I had the faith to hold on to Him. He reminded me instead that HE was holding me and He wouldn't let go. Love you.

    Kathy H

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  9. Your story - though sad and heart wrenching - brings hope and strength. May peace and love be upon you as the days, weeks, and months unfold. We will pray and pray for you guys!

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  10. Zeb & Ally,
    Thank you very much for sharing with us and including us on this message. It absolutely breaks our hearts to hear about all of the heartbreak that you both have had to endure and the heartbreak that continues. Your positive outlook is remarkable and incredibly courageous and admirable given the difficulty of the circumstances. It is how you handle the tough times not the good ones that defines you as people and as a couple, and it sounds like you both are certainly rising to life's challenge. We completely agree that God has a plan and everything happens for a reason. When the time comes, it will be that much sweeter. Our hearts and prayers are definitely with the three of you during your this trial. Please keep us informed and hope to see you soon.

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  11. Zeb and Ally,
    I was given this verse recently and wanted to pass it on. Love you guys.
    "Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel. You whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."
    Isaiah 46:3-4
    We will pray.

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  12. Ally and Zeb,
    Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share the hard stuff. We are praying that God will be your strength and hope in the midst of it all. Love you,
    Melissa and Jim

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  13. You bet that my prayers are with you and will continue to be! My love and prayers, Jill

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  14. Zeb and Ally,
    You have no idea how many lives you've touched and hearts you've inspired through your incredible faith. We're all praying for you and will continue to do so through this trying time and beyond. God is so good to bless you both with each other. We love you.

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  15. Dear Zeb & Ally,

    I've been praying for weeks and weeks--this news makes me sad, but I know God is Sovereign. Without Him, there is despair.

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  16. Ally and Zeb,

    I'll be praying for you. I'm heartbroken to hear this news. I'll be praying for you as I know miracles are possible. You are both an encouragement to Michael and me. May the Lord bless you and keep you through this evening (and beyond) as I know tomorrow is a big day. Love to you. Olivia Robinson

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  17. Your strength is truly inspirational. We pray that you both are lifted and find peace through this time.

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  18. Praying for your family!!! He is Mighty! We love you, The Dansbys

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  19. Ally and Zeb~
    You two inspire many to be strong and better in life. Reading all that you have been through makes my heart hurt:) No one deserves pain in their life, but we do believe that pain in someone's life is a testament of God's work. His challenging in life make us who we are and even though we may not understand why, we still must go one in life. You two are such great people and we wish you nothing but great joy in your life. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and we wish you nothing but the best in the future!

    The Weavers~
    Austin & Elyse

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  20. We love you and are praying for you.
    Love, Dan & Jenni

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  21. I just met you Sunday, but you have been heavy on my heart. Prayed a lot on Tuesday. You are loved.

    love,
    Anda Brown

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