how much?

   A lot!

   We are thankful to know most of you who read this. If we do not yet know you, we hope to one day.

   I write to say thank you to those who joined us last night at the fund-raiser. After losing a baby ("Glory"), and doing our best to find meaning in loss, we hosted an event for The Gladney Center to benefit the children of Ethiopia. We have learned that reaching out to others through the valleys in life helps to strengthen your resolve for healing, and surrounding yourself with people who strive for eternal glory is a vital part of this healing. Allison and I want to express our gratitude to those around us for teaching us what genuine "service" is. We have been honored to serve with you, and we can't wait to continue your work.

   When this event was first planned, we had no idea how you would teach us even more about what it is to serve a God who loves us, but you did. I talked with Scott Brown at Gladney this afternoon. $20,000 dollars seemed like a realistic expectation and the number of children impacted would be huge. So the $48,000 raised last night far exceeded that! As of tonight, we have just over $50,000 donated to the people of Ethiopia and are told that donations are still rolling in.

   We are humbled.

   To God Be The Glory!

   ---If you can donate to this cause, I can tell you with confidence that 100% of your gift this season would be used to care for the children of Ethiopia. Click here to help. In Honor Of: "Shower for Glory"

   We received a call last week from Dr. Terry Weinman, a Neonatologist at Baylor All-Saints that was, and has been a great support to us over the last 6 months. She asked if we would be willing to be interviewed for a story the Star-Telegram is doing on palliative care (specifically neonatal palliative care) that will run the week of Thanksgiving. We happily agreed.

   We sat down with Jan Jarvis, the medical writer for The Star-Telegram today to recount our story. We started from last February, from the medical care we received, to emotions we experienced, to support of family and friends, and led up to the desire to turn tragedy into triumph. She was very attentive and kind. She asked for permission to speak of "Shower for Glory" in the article. We happily agreed.

   Thanks again for what you all have done. We look forward to making a difference together with you.

http://event.pingg.com/Glory

shift

Dear Family,

We are thankful to write to you today and to tell you how we believe our God is working through our circumstances. Many of you have appropriately asked, "Is there anything we can do to help...?"

We have not had an answer to this question, until now.

Life can sometimes seem like a series of events that don't work out like we hoped they would. We are working to shift this event in our life into good.

When Ally and I found out that we were having a baby last February, I had just gotten home from Ethiopia. I had the opportunity to visit several orphanages while there and had several thoughts of adopting one or two of the 6,000,000 orphans in the country. After my trip, we found out that we were having a child of our own. The kids faces that I had encountered remained on my mind. Ally and I had discussed the possibility of having a shower, not for our child, but one that would benefit the children of Ethiopia. Those plans were halted on June 13th, the day we received our difficult news. As most of you know, the following two months were difficult for us, going from one specialist to another, and having regular visits to see if our baby's heart was still beating. When Ally went into labor on August 14th, a sonogram revealed that Glory's physical heart had stopped beating. After 10+ hours of labor, we got to meet our daughter. The minutes and hours that followed were surreal at best. It's difficult to explain with words. My thoughts betray me even still when I attempt to write you about it. (Hence, the delay in writing you.) Your mind issues one word sentences like "Life. Death. Beginning. End. Sorrow. Joy? Pain. Healing. Hope? Anger. Trust. Bitterness. Believe. Doubt. etc." I will say this though: Ally and I were both of the mindset from the beginning, that we refused to let the finality of death define this circumstance. We refuse to allow bitterness to take over and we refuse to let life be forgotten. While we believe that Glory is in heaven, we want her short life and death to mean something, and so we are determined to do all that we can to make this happen.

It is with great joy that we can announce that we have teamed up with The Gladney Center for Adoption, a non-profit organization that has a presence in Ethiopia, and are in the midst of planning an event that will benefit the children of Ethiopia. There are children there that come into this world with nothing but the love of a mother. We will be participating in a program that will combine this vital love with resources that will help these mothers keep their children. If we can do this for one family as a result of our circumstances, Glory's life would mean something. We are asking for your help.

Gladney has worked with the Ethiopian Government, with great success to this point, and the relationships that they have already forged there give us a great advantage in providing help for these families. Our goal is to do more than put food on the table. Our goal is to promote "family" to the people of this country. Single mothers often have to relinquish their rights to their children because of their circumstances. We want to see these children stay with their mothers, brothers and sisters. Our desire is to raise both awareness and funds for the people of this country.

You have been our partner during this difficult time. You have fed us, you have clothed us in prayer, and provided stability during tragedy. Would you be willing to continue your work and help us to feed and clothe, and provide stability to families in Ethiopia? We would be further humbled by your support.

Here is a link to our updates to this point and details of this event will be posted here as we approach the date. It will be held Wednesday, December 2 at The Cultural District Banquet Centre, home of B.K.'s Creative Catering in Fort Worth. (This space has been graciously donated.)  If you wish to receive updates on this event, click "Follow" on the home page. If you know someone who would want to participate, please feel free to forward this email. Invitations will be sent soon.

You have been a blessing to us. Will you join with us in blessing the people of Africa? We are excited about the possibility of continuing our partnership with you.

To God Be The Glory!

love,

Zeb & Ally
Romans 8:28

Glory to God

Dear Family,

Glory went home to be with her Lord this morning at 4:05.

Allison is resting well at Baylor All Saints after about 10 hours of labor.

She mentioned you all shortly after giving birth and wanted me to convey our thanks for what you have done for us.

"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21

Love,

Zeb & Ally

sowing & reaping

Dear Family,

Our doctor visit on Monday was identical to the previous 5. We enter a room where a midwife or a doctor listens for a heartbeat. We hear the heartbeat, and then we go home. Sometimes we cry on the way, and sometimes we stop for donuts. And sometimes we do both.

Several have asked, "the doctor said 2-4 weeks? So what's going on? Is there room for a miracle? What if...?" We are told that miracles do happen, but having to see doctors all the time usually weakens that belief. The conditions that our baby has are many, Turner Syndrome is the least of these. According to doctors, the fatal issues are the lack of necessary chromosomes (which is related to TS), and the fluid that corrupts the vital organs. God can solve all the issues if He wants, and He may. We are doing our best to put our hope in Him. He can take it from there.

I was taking a friend home earlier that doesn't have a car, and was asking him about his life. I asked specifically about his relationship with his family. He told me that he rarely speaks to any of his family, even his daughters. To gain more insight on why he is the way he is, I asked him what kind of a relationship he has with his father. He gave a similar answer- "I never talk to him". From this I learned that he never had a true earthly father: one that loved and cared for him the way a father should, and as a result, he has been shaped this way. (I share this with you because you are our family and we want you to know how God is speaking to us. And so this is part of our update.)

In the midst of this conversation, several things became clear to me. I am blessed to have an earthly father who loves and cares for me the way he should, and we talk regularly. But more importantly, I have another Father that I do not talk to enough. I don't pray like I could. Even during this struggle, I haven't. I issue excuses like "what in the world would I ask?" or "I've already asked for children, and look what happened!" or "you're gonna do what you're gonna do, God and I can't stop you" etc. etc. etc. When my friend told me that he never speaks to his earthly father, I had the self-righteous thought of "just think what talking to God could do for you..." I was immediately convicted in my heart that I have access to God and I don't utilize it like I could. I spared him my confession, as he has previously joked, "You must be a Mormon. Mormons always talk about heaven and Jesus". I'll keep working on him slowly...

This story seemed relevant to me because I forget that it is our God that has comforted us during this time, and He has done so because even when I am not faithful to cry out to Him, you have. We are living a nightmare to many, but in the midst of it, He "renews our strength" (Isaiah 40:31) as we lay our burdens at His feet. Allison and I both agree that the Lord has given us these last 6 weeks to prepare us. He is shaping us in this way, and we have the opportunity to rely on Him. We know that hard times are to come, but we know that our strength will be renewed- again.

Allison's attitude during this time would humble you beyond belief. I promise. She gets up early. She exercises. She studies truth and she applies it. She is sad, but she remains composed and she is proof to me that I am loved by God.

We read Psalm 126:5 the other night and were comforted. It says, "Those who sow in tears, will reap with songs of joy."

I get upset with the Lord for allowing us to go through this waiting period, but a good friend of mine recently reminded me that the Saviour of the universe also went through a difficult waiting period-- when "He who knew no sin, took on flesh". Jesus waited and waited and waited. He knew his physical heart would stop beating. He cried out to His Father. He questioned his Father. And then, He was with His Father.

We sow in tears today, but tomorrow... tomorrow we will reap with songs of joy.

To God Be The Glory,

Zeb & Ally

Romans 8:28

tomorrow

Dear Family,

I had my dates mixed up in our previous email. We have an appointment in the morning at 9:30.

Believing. Worrying. Hoping. Fearing. Praying. Doubting. Waiting... That about sums us up for now.

To God Be The Glory,

Zeb & Ally

Romans 8:28

waiting on the Lord

Dear Family,

Saying "thank you" during this time in our lives feels so insufficient, but we express it the best way we can. We are blessed to have you in our life and our prayer is that the Lord might speak to you through our testimony. So, thank you for sticking close through this chapter. The love and support that you have shown has helped to sustain us.

I've struggled to write an update over these last few weeks. Putting words to our situation has been difficult, but we know that we need to ask for prayer at this point, so here we are.

I'll tell you what we know so far. Test results have come back and showed that our baby has Turner Syndrome. According to the doctor, this is just an isolated chromosomal issue that is highly unlikely to repeat in future pregnancies. The fluid has increased on the heart and lungs which would eventually lead to heart failure. We are nearing our 4th week of waiting since we were made aware of the situation. We are doing as well as we know how. We know that our God is sovereign. We know that our family loves us. We know that our family prays for us while we wait. We know that our God will receive glory from this situation, and we know that we will continue to believe in the power of the cross even though we feel weak right now.

There is something else we know. We are having a girl. We believe that this little girl is loved by her Creator. We do not know why she is facing affliction, but we have to trust that she is loved. While we know that she was sent to us, we are very confident that she was made for God. This is hard for me to type because I feel angry that she will not necessarily bring us any joy. We ask all the questions that maybe you have asked in the valley, but we believe that God made her, and He accepts her.

We've given her a name: "Glory". We read Psalm 29 and are comforted. We are doing our best to ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name and worship the Lord in the splendor of His holiness (verse 2). While this is hard to do during a trial, we believe that the Lord will give strength to His people, and the Lord blesses His people with peace (verse 11).

We saw the doctor again this morning at 9:00. The heart is still beating. We are blessed to have a wonderful group of doctors and nurses taking care of us. The midwives that Ally has seen do very well to comfort us, and several of them share our common bond of faith. Our next appointment is July 20th at 9:30.

May our God bless and keep you!

Love,

Zeb & Ally
Romans 8:28

6/15/09

Dear Family,

We saw the doctor today. We were accompanied by a few dear friends. Dr. Tabor was brief and succinct. According to his expertise, these cases end in heart failure. We will return for sonograms on a weekly basis until such time. His best guess for a timeline is 2-4 weeks.

We are broken before our Father this evening, but have an inexplicable hope that is imparted through His people. The dozens of responses we've received from you have helped sustain us during this. Thank you.

Ally and I read a few verses from the Psalms when we were getting into bed on Saturday. We find comfort in this verse and know that we do not suffer alone.

43:5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

May our God bless you and keep you, and cause His face to shine on you, and give you peace.

Love,

Zeb & Allison

sad news

Dear Family,

We received some very difficult news from Allison's doctor yesterday, and so we write to you to ask for your prayer. Allison and I met downtown yesterday to make our first sonogram appointment. The result of which has left us quite sad.

Our baby has not developed properly due to an excess of fluid on the heart and lungs. Additionally, the baby is not producing the fluid necessary to thrive. There are also chromosomal abnormalities. The prognosis from two doctors yesterday was grim. According to cases they have seen previously, the chance of survival is less than 10%. In some cases, a child can be carried to term but the issues remain and life is short. In other cases, a child's vital organs cannot withstand the stress and a miscarriage occurs. Our case is not representative of most, in that a miscarriage typically occurs within the first trimester and we are currently at 20 weeks. We have an appointment with a specialist in Fort Worth (Dr. Tabor) on Monday at 2:30. Until then, we wait.

While we do not understand God's plan in this, we still trust Him. I almost hesitate to write that because our faith is weak at this point, but we know that we are not called to always understand His ways immediately. We are called to be obedient and faithful and this is our desire. We ask you to pray for us; for encouragement, for wisdom, for acceptance, for hope and for peace. We are thankful for you, and feel blessed to have you in our life.

Love,

Zeb & Ally

Romans 8:28