sowing & reaping

Dear Family,

Our doctor visit on Monday was identical to the previous 5. We enter a room where a midwife or a doctor listens for a heartbeat. We hear the heartbeat, and then we go home. Sometimes we cry on the way, and sometimes we stop for donuts. And sometimes we do both.

Several have asked, "the doctor said 2-4 weeks? So what's going on? Is there room for a miracle? What if...?" We are told that miracles do happen, but having to see doctors all the time usually weakens that belief. The conditions that our baby has are many, Turner Syndrome is the least of these. According to doctors, the fatal issues are the lack of necessary chromosomes (which is related to TS), and the fluid that corrupts the vital organs. God can solve all the issues if He wants, and He may. We are doing our best to put our hope in Him. He can take it from there.

I was taking a friend home earlier that doesn't have a car, and was asking him about his life. I asked specifically about his relationship with his family. He told me that he rarely speaks to any of his family, even his daughters. To gain more insight on why he is the way he is, I asked him what kind of a relationship he has with his father. He gave a similar answer- "I never talk to him". From this I learned that he never had a true earthly father: one that loved and cared for him the way a father should, and as a result, he has been shaped this way. (I share this with you because you are our family and we want you to know how God is speaking to us. And so this is part of our update.)

In the midst of this conversation, several things became clear to me. I am blessed to have an earthly father who loves and cares for me the way he should, and we talk regularly. But more importantly, I have another Father that I do not talk to enough. I don't pray like I could. Even during this struggle, I haven't. I issue excuses like "what in the world would I ask?" or "I've already asked for children, and look what happened!" or "you're gonna do what you're gonna do, God and I can't stop you" etc. etc. etc. When my friend told me that he never speaks to his earthly father, I had the self-righteous thought of "just think what talking to God could do for you..." I was immediately convicted in my heart that I have access to God and I don't utilize it like I could. I spared him my confession, as he has previously joked, "You must be a Mormon. Mormons always talk about heaven and Jesus". I'll keep working on him slowly...

This story seemed relevant to me because I forget that it is our God that has comforted us during this time, and He has done so because even when I am not faithful to cry out to Him, you have. We are living a nightmare to many, but in the midst of it, He "renews our strength" (Isaiah 40:31) as we lay our burdens at His feet. Allison and I both agree that the Lord has given us these last 6 weeks to prepare us. He is shaping us in this way, and we have the opportunity to rely on Him. We know that hard times are to come, but we know that our strength will be renewed- again.

Allison's attitude during this time would humble you beyond belief. I promise. She gets up early. She exercises. She studies truth and she applies it. She is sad, but she remains composed and she is proof to me that I am loved by God.

We read Psalm 126:5 the other night and were comforted. It says, "Those who sow in tears, will reap with songs of joy."

I get upset with the Lord for allowing us to go through this waiting period, but a good friend of mine recently reminded me that the Saviour of the universe also went through a difficult waiting period-- when "He who knew no sin, took on flesh". Jesus waited and waited and waited. He knew his physical heart would stop beating. He cried out to His Father. He questioned his Father. And then, He was with His Father.

We sow in tears today, but tomorrow... tomorrow we will reap with songs of joy.

To God Be The Glory,

Zeb & Ally

Romans 8:28

tomorrow

Dear Family,

I had my dates mixed up in our previous email. We have an appointment in the morning at 9:30.

Believing. Worrying. Hoping. Fearing. Praying. Doubting. Waiting... That about sums us up for now.

To God Be The Glory,

Zeb & Ally

Romans 8:28

waiting on the Lord

Dear Family,

Saying "thank you" during this time in our lives feels so insufficient, but we express it the best way we can. We are blessed to have you in our life and our prayer is that the Lord might speak to you through our testimony. So, thank you for sticking close through this chapter. The love and support that you have shown has helped to sustain us.

I've struggled to write an update over these last few weeks. Putting words to our situation has been difficult, but we know that we need to ask for prayer at this point, so here we are.

I'll tell you what we know so far. Test results have come back and showed that our baby has Turner Syndrome. According to the doctor, this is just an isolated chromosomal issue that is highly unlikely to repeat in future pregnancies. The fluid has increased on the heart and lungs which would eventually lead to heart failure. We are nearing our 4th week of waiting since we were made aware of the situation. We are doing as well as we know how. We know that our God is sovereign. We know that our family loves us. We know that our family prays for us while we wait. We know that our God will receive glory from this situation, and we know that we will continue to believe in the power of the cross even though we feel weak right now.

There is something else we know. We are having a girl. We believe that this little girl is loved by her Creator. We do not know why she is facing affliction, but we have to trust that she is loved. While we know that she was sent to us, we are very confident that she was made for God. This is hard for me to type because I feel angry that she will not necessarily bring us any joy. We ask all the questions that maybe you have asked in the valley, but we believe that God made her, and He accepts her.

We've given her a name: "Glory". We read Psalm 29 and are comforted. We are doing our best to ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name and worship the Lord in the splendor of His holiness (verse 2). While this is hard to do during a trial, we believe that the Lord will give strength to His people, and the Lord blesses His people with peace (verse 11).

We saw the doctor again this morning at 9:00. The heart is still beating. We are blessed to have a wonderful group of doctors and nurses taking care of us. The midwives that Ally has seen do very well to comfort us, and several of them share our common bond of faith. Our next appointment is July 20th at 9:30.

May our God bless and keep you!

Love,

Zeb & Ally
Romans 8:28